Monday, October 21, 2013

Visions of You

Today I had a vision of you, your strawberry-blonde hair and loose curls dangling right above your shoulder. Your four years old now and full of life. As I walk, I see you run ahead of me. You run in a field of flowers, so healthy and so full of life. You look back at me and I run towards you. I pick you up in my arms and we walk off together. The vision is so real I can almost sense your smell and feel you in my arms. I was at the park, once again you were there. You looked the same, so full of life as you body flew through the air on the swing. I pushed you as you yelled “higher”, then, just as quickly as you appeared, you were gone. I seen you today, you were in my car. I looked in my rear view mirror and watched you smile as you looked at me. You had your baby doll and held it tightly and kissed its soft skin. I looked back again, but you were gone. While shopping, you appeared once again. You were running towards the Halloween costumes. I seen you look back at me as you pointed to the costume you wanted. I got close to where you were, and then, in a flash you were gone. I see you every day. I see you not as you were while on this earth, but as you should be. I see you grow as you age. I know you’re not there, but I can’t help but imagine who you would be today. I imagine these visions of you will continue. A painful part of this journey is not knowing who you were, but wondering who you would be today. I will continue to watch as you age, and my visions of you will continue. When I travel this world, you will be where I am. No matter where I go, you will be there. I seen you today, as I sat on the beach. You were sitting on the sand with a bucket as the ocean water ran up and tickled your feet. You looked up at me and smiled.

The Dragonfly

Today, I sit at your grave and weep as usual. Flowers are beautifully arranged in your vase, and decorations sit on your marker in hopes you can see them from Heaven. The days, months, and years continue to pass. Each day brings me one more day closer to joining you again. The loneliness has been haunting me again. Although, surrounded by friends and family, I can’t seem to escape this feeling inside. My heart aches, my tears still flow. The laughter comes then quickly goes. Today is just one of those days in which my pain hurts more. I sit here at your grave, continuing to weep. My hand brushes over your marker as I clean the fresh cut grass off. I take my finger, gently place it on your name, and trace it. Then my finger moves to your teddy bear and gently traces over it. As I trace your name, I cry, thinking of how much I miss you. Your signs have lessened and I feel your presence less. I look up towards Heaven and ask for a sign. I close my eyes, and open them to a tingling sensation on my arm. I look down, to find the most beautiful dragon fly on my arm. I smile, as I begin to cry harder, knowing you answered my prayer. I continue to watch this dragonfly as it gently walks my body. As I watch this dragonfly, I can’t help but think of its symbolism…for it has been told that when a dragonfly is near, a loved one from Heaven has come to visit. I continue to sit at your grave with this dragonfly, never wanting this visit to end.