Monday, September 17, 2012

Memories Remain

Soon the leaves will change color. The once green leaves will turn to yellow and brown, and the grounds will be covered as the trees begin to lose their leaves. The warm weather will turn cold and the days will become shorter. The signs of fall, once my favorite time of year, now remind me of Gabby and the anniversary of her death. This time of year is especially hard as I remember Gabby and her life.

It has been two years since her passing. Her belongings, other than a few stuffed animals and toys, remain in storage. Her memorial box, sits in my room. I often open this box and look at her handprints and smell her belongings. Her blankets, draped over a chair, are often used for comfort when feeling down. Pictures of Gabby surround me and bring comfort. I love seeing her pictures as she was so full of life. These pictures remind me that Gabby was my child and that she did exist.

Strange as it may sound, I often find myself wondering if Gabby's short life was just a dream. Perhaps I wonder this because the time she has been gone has surpassed the time in which she lived. I am not sure exactly why I feel this way. Grief does strange things to you and most times you don't know how to deal with these emotions. These emotions can be overwhelming at times, and learning to deal with them is even more difficult.

I recently began Therapy to help me deal with all my emotions. My emotions have been bottled up for two years, as I seldom talk about Gabby's passing. Its one thing to be able to talk about Gabby and her life, but its another thing to talk about how losing your child has really impacted you emotionally and physically. I have always been one to keep my emotions bottled up. By allowing this, I have allowed myself to wear myself down emotionally and physically. I feel as if I made the right decision to utilize therapy to help me deal with all my emotions.

I will continue to carry on the best I know how. Living day to day and being the best person I can to honor Gabby and her life. Gabby began a new life the day she went to live with God. A life that allows her to run, play, and do all the things she was unable to do while on earth. Although, I have suffered a great loss, I wouldn't change Gabby nor her life for anything. One thing I will always be grateful for is the memories Gabby left me with. Only 17 months and 2 days of life, but a lifetime of memories. Love you always and forever Gabby.