Dwight D. Eisenhower wrote "There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were". Often, this quote runs through my mind as I try to piece together what remains of me after the loss of my daughter. It has been nearly eight months since I began this journey and and I frequently wonder what benefits could come from such a horrible and painful loss.
I have been blessed to meet some of the most amazing people throughout my journey. Individuals who know all too well, the pain of losing a child. These grieving parents have provided me with hope when I feel as if all hope is gone. They have provided me with strength when I feel my weakest and they have provided me with company when I feel my lonliest.
Although, my friends who've lost a child provide me and have comforted me in so many ways, they are not the only ones that I am grateful for. I will be forever grateful to friends, family, and my social network friends/family who have been by my side to comfort me. Since this journey begin (even before Gabby's passing) I have met some of the most amazing people. People who I may have never met, but feel their love from places and countries all over the world. Without the support of friends, family, and my social network group I would have never made it this far.
When you lose a child, the pain is unimaginable. Unless you have lost a child yourself, you cant begin to understand the pain that is felt. Although, I realize that no one is aware of my feelings except other grieving parents. I now realize that even those who are close to me, but have not lost a child, still feel my pain.
Today, I went to visit Gabby at the cemetery. On my way their, I was thinking about my journey. I started to get upset as I thought to myself, "why doesn't anyone ever talk about Gabby"? My previous answer to that question was, people have moved on, they have forgotten about Gabby. Then I thought to myself, I know no one has forgot Gabby. Death is an uncomfortable subject. It is a subject that is avoided at all cost. It is even more uncomfortable when it involves a loss as tragic as a child. I remember becoming upset as I brought up Gabby in conversations and watched those I was talking to begin showing signs of nervousness. You would often see a shifting in position, the person moving further away, and them no longer giving eye contact. I took it offensively, when really it was nothing more than a reaction to an uncomfortable subject. We have all dealt with the loss of someone in our life and it is never an easy subject to discuss. I have been guilty of changing the subjects during uncomfortable conversations or completly avoiding them all together. I became more engaged in my thoughts and wondered if I could be responsible for many of the reactions and why people are so scared to discuss the loss of my child. I will be the first to admit that I have been short with people who have said things that I feel are inappropriate. Perhaps it is this reaction that scares people from approaching grieving parents. There is a quote that says "Unless you have lost a child, don't tell me how to feel". Before my child died, I was a non-grieving parent who often said things that now offend me. I am guilty of saying "I need a break", "I just wish I could sleep", "I wish I had a day with no doctor's appointments". It wasn't until my child's passing that those things I once wanted, now became times I treasured and wish I still had. Many of us never anticipated losing our child, but it happened, and it could happen to anyone.
Patience is a necessity for grieving parents. We need to have the patience of all those in our lives. Allow us the time to grieve and heal. We will never heal completely and each person will grieve differently. Not only do I as a grieving parent need patience, but as a greiving mom I need to be patient to those who don't fully understand what I am going through...just not that long ago I was that person.
