Dear God

Dear God,
In six short days it will be one year since your son...Jesus, took my daughter's hand, and lead her into Heaven's Kingdom to be with you. Although, I have come to terms with my daughter's death and have accepted it, I am still full of so many questions and there is so much I still don't understand.

I often hear people tell me to have faith and there is a reason for everything. There have been many times after Gabby's passing that I have questioned my faith. I have never doubted you or your existence, but sometimes I wonder why such awful things have to happen. Why do you allow so much pain and heartache? Why is it, I often feel so alone on my journey? Why is it that my child had to die? Why is it, that no matter how hard I try, my life gets harder? I often wonder what I did to deserve so much pain and heartache. Perhaps, I have not accepted my daughter's death. Maybe, I never will. Perhaps it is too early in my grief to know. Often, it seems as if my prayers go unanswered. One of the hardest parts of my journey has been questioning my faith. I just feel like when I need you the most, you arent here. At times, I am so angry with you. I don't want to be angry with you. I can't be angry with you! I have to have peace in my heart. Don't you understand? I need to have my faith...I need to know that my daughter and I will be together again. I need to know that someday, I will be forgiven for my doubts.

I've been told Angels know the secrets to Heaven. The secrets to the answers I long to know. My daughter is among those angels. I know in your time, I will know the answers I long for. Perhaps, one day, Gabby will whisper in the wind and tell me not to worry and that everything will be ok. Until then, I must keep my faith, and believe that although you might not answer right away...at some point...my prayers will be answered.

Love Truly,

Jen