A Life of Unknowns

I am mom to a special need child, diagnosed with a neurological condition, with a prognosis that is quite obscure.  As a parent in general, we find ourselves asking if the decisions we're making are the right ones for our children.  We all fight with the constant struggles that are involved in the daily care we give our children.  My biggest challenge is dealing with the unknowns that are associated with such a grim prognosis.

As a child, I never imagined as an adult that I would have a child with a special need, or yet a child with a terminal diagnosis.  I imagined myself having healthy children and figured my biggest challenges would be if I was raising them to be good human beings with high moral standards.  In reality, I find myself struggling with the constant fears of nothing more than the unknowns. 

In general we all deal with unknowns.  None of us know what our future entails, I can't help but associate the unknowns with my daughters condition.  Wondering if a cough she developed is going to put her life in jeopardy,  or what new symptoms she might develop due to her condition.  Is her brain stem....her only means of survival tiring and at risk for failing.  Then, there is the biggest fear that never leaves my mind.  The fear lurks as an evil shadow watching my every move, that is the fear of my daughter not being here tomorrow. 

I find myself battling with these thoughts daily.  They are fastballs pitched to me way to often and I just want to find a way to hit them out of the ballpark so they will never come back.  Of course I find myself striking out too often.  My goal is to become the winner, I'm going to learn how to hit a so-called homer better than any ball player I know.  I know my goal is going to take a quite a bit of practice and I'm expecting to be hit by a lot of balls.  Not sure who came up with the quote "No pain, No gain" but boy do I believe it to be true.    

Another favorite quote of mine:
          "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." -- Robert Brault