"Grief" My Never Ending Ride

It has been nearly two months since I heard those words that all parents fear, the words I relive everyday, "I'm sorry, but she didn't make it" haunt my daily life.  Unfortionately, these are the words I knew I would someday hear after my daughter's diagnosis of Hydranencephaly ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydranencephaly).  Although, I knew the grim reality of this diagnosis and accepted the fact that I would most likely outlive my child, it never prepared me for the never-ending roller coaster ride I am now on. 

"Grief" is the name of this roller coaster ride that I find myself on.  It is a bumpy ride filled with many ups and downs and no matter how hard I try to stop this ride, it will not.  I find myself climbing the hills of happiness as I remember the pleasant thoughts of our daughter and the amazing joy she brought to our life.  These are the days I think to myself "Everything will be okay". 

Unfortionately, with every hill you go up, you must come back down.  Going down happens quickly, without warning.  It is unclear when it is coming, and takes your breath away.  Your stomach flips as you are overwhelmed with fear, anxiety, and sadness.  These are the days I think to myself "I can't do this anymore, when will it stop".

Although, I am on one of the most scariest rides, I have faith that this ride, like all others, will become easier.  I believe the fear I am feeling will soon subside and I will learn to deal with the ups and downs as they come.  I realize I am on a ride that is never-ending, but with time this ride will become smoother and much easier to deal with. 

For everyone, grief is different.  There is no set time frame on when the pain will ease or how we will deal with it.  Grief has many stages and you never know how long one stage may last.  It is common to go through stages more than once.  For those who are dealing with grief, be patient with yourself.  Allow yourself to go through each stage and never be afraid to ask for support if needed.